Diaper Free Baby

I came across the book Diaper Free Baby when I was buying the Baby Led Weaning book (more posts to come about our experience with BLW). The cover of the book caught my eye because it was a very young baby on a potty and I had been joking with my family about potty training Sophia really young. I really just wanted her to be used to the potty well before the age that most people begin potty training. Diaper Free Baby is really all about elimination communication (EC) and really reading your baby and instinctively knowing when they need to go potty just like you know when they need to eat.

Most people would probably think that it is a crazy concept but to me it made total sense. In fact, in other countries elimination communication has been used since the dawn of time. My mom laughed at me when I bought a baby potty for Sophia. She thought the whole concept was ridiculous. But after reading the book and learning about it I really wanted to give it a try. After all - what could it hurt?

The first time I EC'd Sophia I did it while holding her over the big potty. She peed pretty much instantly and I couldn't have been more proud (she was aroung 3 months old). After that I bought the Baby Bjorn potty and she began sitting on her potty instead. Here she is on her potty for the first time (1st photo) and here is her output (2nd photo). I ec'd her making the 'pssssss' sound to get her to pee. A lot of EC'ers begin with poo since the signs are easier to read but I started with pee because that was easier for me at first. My mom was amazed the first time she saw Sophia go to the bathroom on her potty and immediately ate her words.

I started out EC'ing by having diaper free time and just getting to know Sophia's signals for peeing. I noticed she gets fussy or her attention goes away right before she pees. She also shivers. I did diaper free time a lot in the beginning week. Keep in mind that a lot of people EC full time from birth and their baby never wears diapers. I really admire these people and wish I could be one of them but I have to work so we EC when I'm not working and can pay full attention to Sophia's signals.

I think Sophia was aroung 4.5 months old when she began doing number 2's in her potty. Her signal's for #2 are pretty easy to read but she only has about 1 -2 poopy's a day now. She usually grunts and has that far away look in her eye. I can usually EC for all her number 2's since she only has 2 max per day.

I put her on her potty whenever I have to go. She always pees and sometimes will poo as well. Especially in the morning when she first wakes up and also when she wakes from naps or right after eating. Having part-time EC'd for over 3 months now I think doing EC full-time would not be that much work.

The thing I mainly wanted out of EC was getting Sophia used to the concept of going to the potty and making it second nature to her. Our experience with it so far has been wonderful and I highly recommend trying it if you are curious. The last photo is of Sophia on her potty today (6 months old). :)

The Breastfeeding Bond

I wanted to start this post with the history of how I came to be a breastfeeding mommy. When I was a little girl some of my fondest memories were of my mother breastfeeding my siblings. Thankfully, I was the oldest girl in my family so watching my younger siblings being breastfed seemed completely normal and natural to me. I realize now what a blessing it was for me to grow up with a breastfeeding role model.

Naturally when I found out I was pregnant I wanted to breastfeed my baby. My whole pregnancy I was the woman who read all the books. In fact, my friend got pregnant a few months after I did and she refused to read any books because she said she would get all her info from me! Haha

This hunger for information led me to Ina May Gaskin’s books. I fell in love with her naturalistic ways and I read her Guide to Breastfeeding. I also took a short breastfeeding class but that was not nearly as informational as this book. I highly recommend it to all those who are or plan to breastfeed. I firmly believe that it was the techniques for latching and information in this book that saved my nipples and solidified my relationship with breastfeeding.

As soon as Sophia was born they placed her on my chest and she latched on right away. I still remember how surreal the experience was. All through my pregnancy I’d had dreams of breastfeeding but the real thing was so much better than all those dreams. At first the feeding went very well. All the nursing staff commented on how naturally it came to me. But then my milk began to come in the day I was discharged. My breasts became two large hard boulders overnight! I looked like Dolly Parton with the worst boob job in history. I remember looking in the mirror topless and saying to my sister ‘God I hope these don’t stay like this!’

The engorgement from my milk coming in made them hot and hard. Every time I went to nurse Sophia the milk would squirt out like a fire hydrant and she would get milk all over her. I was leaking literally 24/7 and I thought it would never end. Because they were so full and hard it made latching so difficult. My nipples just seemed so large for her tiny mouth. In those early days the only way she would open wide enough was when she was crying. And thanks to the latching difficulty my nipples were getting so much abuse. I knew breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt and to re-latch if it hurt after the first 20 seconds. I was re-latching several times every session and I’m sure that is what helped save my nipples in the long run. Also expressing a little by hand before feeding (just to make the boob pliable) made latching a lot easier since I could compress my areola better than when they were hard and full of milk. Thankfully as the books promised the engorgement only lasted a max of 2-3 days and latching gradually got easier.

Using vitamin e oil and Lansinoh’s Soothies breast pads also helped to save my nipples. I also had plastic nipple cups to put in my bra to keep the fabric off my sensitive nipples. I rubbed breast milk on my nipples after every feed and let them air dry for at least a few minutes. The breast milk trick is probably the best one of all of these. There are antibacterial properties in breast milk which aid the healing process and also lower your chances of getting an infection like thrush or mastitis. You should never wash your nipples with soap. Washing with water when you normally shower is all that is necessary. Washing your nipples after every feed is not recommended either as it can damage your nipples and wash away the natural substances excreted by the glands on the nipple which keep them clean and moist (this is why soap is especially bad).

I’d say breastfeeding for me significantly improved after 2 weeks and then became completely second nature around 2 months. I would just hear her hunger cries and automatically start undoing my nursing bra. I always enjoyed it but after a short while I really fell in love with breastfeeding Sophia. I attribute our deep bond to breastfeeding.

The only downside (if you can consider this a downside) is that Sophia will not take a bottle. It is one of the reasons I quit my office job and got a work from home job. She is now 6 months old and still refuses them. I absolutely bought every bottle and nipple on the market. No matter what the fancy marketing suggested none of them were remotely like my breast and Sophia screamed at all of them (as if we were trying to give her poison). I tried being in the room… being out of the room, out of the house, etc… Nothing worked. I came to my breaking point and my mom suggested I take away the breast during the day cold turkey and it took 3 days to get her to take a bottle. Let me just say it was the worst experience ever. But I got lazy with the bottle again and she had a relapse. I refuse to go through another 3 day battle of the wills. I am attempting to get her used to a sippy cup for the occasional times I need to be away from her. So far she either lets the water dribble in and out of her mouth or she chews on the top. I hope she catches on soon but we will see!

Ultimately breastfeeding has given me a very happy and healthy baby and a deep appreciation and trust in my body. :)

Sophia's Entrance

I was 8 days overdue and more than ready for Sophia to make her entrance. Unfortunately, I felt great (aside from the hundreds of people asking me when I was going to 'pop'). Sophia was showing no signs of budging despite my 90% effacement... I wasn't dilated at all. I was working full time even at 8 days overdue and I had a midwife appointment at 3 pm. I should preface this story with the fact that I had done a ton of research on natural childbirth and was desperate to stay as natural as possible. I was very against intervention of any kind. I had chosen a midwife because I wanted someone who shared my views on natural birth and trusted my body as much as I did. It took me a long time to select a midwife and when I interviewed the one I ended up selecting I asked a lot of questions about her viewpoints and statistics of her personal deliveries. She was also recommended to me by my doula. What I later learned was that a lot of "birth professionals" will tell you what you want to hear so you select them and they can get your money. The midwife I selected told me many lies to get my business. Of course I didn't realize this until it was too late. My midwife (aka butcher - Maureen Rayson) had been doing non stress tests on me since 38 weeks because of a concern about Sophia's growth. But at this particular non stress test (a complete misnomer by the way) she could only get 2 reactions from Sophia but she needed 3. So she decided to send me to Lenox Hill Hospital for a growth scan and another non stress test.

The ultrasound tech at Lenox Hill (I'm told she was the best tech in the hospital) told me the cord was wrapped around Sophia's neck 3 times but she could see blood flow. Then they informed me that they were concerned because Sophia was face up (sunny-side up) and looked small for her gestational age (they estimated her weight at 6 lbs 1 oz). They immediately started threatening me with a c-section and inducement. I yelled at the ultrasound tech and left the hospital. Because of the extensive research I had done throughout my pregnancy I knew that none of what they were telling me were legitimate causes for concern but rather scare tactics so that they could "manage" my birth. I was very against this because of the negative outcomes that usually result from interfering with the body's natural birth process.

My midwife sent me to LIC Hospital in Brooklyn for further testing. They saw that Sophia was fine but my midwife wanted to induce simply because I was overdue and the OB on wanted to c-section. I begged her to let me start with cervadil rather than pitocin as I knew how that makes contractions unnaturally severe for both mommy and baby. At midnight they finally inserted the cervadil and checked me I was 0 cm and 90% effaced. I was so stressed out from the day that I had the biggest headache of my entire life! I tried to sleep since I was certain that a long and messy road would be ahead of me. At 2 am I woke up to my first real contraction. It felt like a period cramp and I was hoping it meant labour was on its way. My contractions were very irregular and I slept between them while my wonderful mother rubbed my back and held my hand.

In labour there really are no words for how you completely lose your inhibitions. The nursing staff wouldn't let me go to the bathroom because it was such a hassle to unhook me from the monitors. My mother came to my rescue again getting me bed pans. I squatted on the hospital bed as I relieved myself.

At 4:30 am hard labour started and the contractions were coming on like waves with very small breaks in between. My mother unhooked me from the monitors so I could go for a walk and go to the bathroom. While I was walking in the hall I would do whatever my body told me to when a contraction would hit. I would drop to the floor on my hands and knees and just breathe and try to relax during the contraction. The nursing staff looked appalled but kept their mouths shut and my midwife appeared while I was in the middle of one of these contractions squatting on the floor (the staff called her when I left my room - she had been sleeping in another room). She waited until my contraction was over to tell me that the next time I felt a contraction coming on I should hold the support bar along the wall instead. As if I'm some idiot and this had never occurred to me. Clearly she was not used to witnessing natural childbirth in all it's primitiveness. Squatting and leaning on the floor was much more natural to my body. I just looked at her and the bar and said "That's a nice bar." It was all I could manage to get out. She brought me back to my room to check me and I was now 4-5 cm dilated.

I have never needed my mother like I did at this point in my life. I was just hitting transition and it was so apparent. My mantra in labour literally became "Mommmmyyy Mommmyyyy Mommmyyyy!!!!" as she reminded me to relax my bottom during the intense contractions. All I could hear was her voice like an angel guiding me out of labour land.

At about 5:40 am I felt like I needed to poop but my midwfe wouldn't let me (from here everything started happening like lightning). My mom and nurse begged her to check me and when she finally did I was crowning. I began to position myself on all fours as this was the way my body was telling me to give birth. Maureen just laughed at me and forced me to lay on my back which was too painful so she "let" me move to my side (I'm disgusted by her). She told me to stop pushing so she could prepare but I couldn't. The nurse even yelled at her to look at my face which revealed quite clearly that I wasn't pushing. It was an involuntary push (my body did all the work). The only thing I can compare that involuntary bodily reaction to is throwing up. You can't stop it. Your body takes over.

At this point the pain was so severe I was having trouble breathing and my midwife was trying to force an oxygen mask on me. I cannot describe for you how unnatural that felt to me. It made my head spin and my instinct was to tear it off. She kept making me put it back on but finally my mom took it off me and told Maureen that it is not what I needed.

Next, Maureen wanted me to stop pushing so she could break my waters. Again, I could not have stopped if I tried and my bag of waters burst with my own powerful push. Then she wanted to perform an episiotomy claiming it would help me deliver faster (not that it was taking longer than a few minutes). Again, she wanted me to stop pushing so she could do this telling me to breathe deeply to stop pushing (like the imbecile that she is she did not understand the meaning of involuntary natural birth pushes). My mom was telling me to push anyway and Maureen yelled at her that she knew what was best and not my mom. I'll never forget the look in my mother's eyes. We did not need words. I could see what she wanted me to do and how she felt about Maureen's outburst. So with all my strength I pushed Sophia's head out.

I remember calling out to God right before I delivered Sophia. He clearly got the message! At 5:57am I pushed Sophia completely out immediately avoiding an unnecessary episiotomy (I didn't even tear).

Sophia weighed 6 lbs 8 ozs and was 19.5 inches long. She was so alert... I'll never forget her looking at me for the first time.

Yet again my birth plan was basically trampled on like garbage. I did not want anyone taking Sophia from me right after I pushed her out and I had wanted the chord to complete pulsing and the placenta to be delivered naturally before it was cut. Instead Maureen immediately clamped and cut the chord wasting precious blood volume that was for my baby and cutting off her source of oxygen. She was a bit purple (which is also very normal following birth and some time on me with her chord in tact would have solved). Instead cutting her chord caused her to turn more blue than purple since she was not yet ready to breathe through her mouth. She was still breathing through her now cut chord. The pediatrician took her to suction out any fluid and turning her upside down began slapping her back to get her to breathe through her mouth and nose. Can you imagine coming in to the world this way? Had I not been in the middle of my own torturous hell I would have been able to say something before the chord was ever cut.

Unfortunately, I was in the worst pain of my life which was completely unnecessary and unrelated to my childbirth. Maureen the butcher was forcing me to lay on my back which was extremely painful (I now know its because my tailbone was out of place). And as if that wasn't enough she began scrapping me out and pushing on my belly to force the placenta out before it was ready. Any natural birther knowns how unnatural and dangerous this can be as it can cause major blood loss. The pain I was in brought me to tears and I begged her to stop but she would not. I looked at everyone around me for support but they would not stop her. I still don't know why my mother did not stop her (I think she was preoccupied with what the pedi was doing to Sophia). But my mom told me afterwards that she had never once experienced what that midwife did to me after birth in any one of her 7 natural childbirths. She knew the pain I was in was completely unnatural and unnecessary. I even heard the nurse yell at Maureen at one point because she was about to use a tool on me that was the wrong one and could have really damaged me. She just laughed at her own silly error.

I think back to the birth plan I had so carefully written and gone over with her numerous times. I hear her echoing voice in my head saying "I'm your midwife so what I say goes and I will only do what you want and not force anything on you". The lies were only evident after she took advantage of me in such a vulnerable state. I forgot to also mention I was forced to have an IV and belly strap monitors that left enormous bruises all over my belly. They completely inhibited my labour and a few times my mom took them off and the staff would come put them back on because getting readings from a machine was more important than the only instrument they should have been monitoring! My body!!

We were taken to the recovery room where I held her for hours as we stared at each other and cuddled. I will never forget how amazing I felt that day in spite of the pain the butcher put me through. It all disappeared with Sophia in my arms.

Despite having had virtually no sleep I still couldn't sleep after I gave birth. All I could do was stare in amazement at the little miracle I couldn't believe was given to me... My little Sophia Grace.

Natural birth is so amazing despite the pain. I would do it all again in an instant. The immediate bonding and quick recovery are out of this world. There is nothing like the natural birth hormones that you experience. I never let the hospital staff separate Sophia and I. The most they got her away from me was to weigh her in the same room as me after she was born. And once to do a hearing test (which I went looking for her when they didn't bring her back fast enough. I didn't want anyone touching her.

I would caution anyone looking for a natural birth to get references before selecting a midwife or OB. Do not just trust their answers to your questions and do not settle for anyone who is not 100% in agreement with the birth you want.

During birth I remember telling my mom she was insane for having 7 children naturally! But the instant Sophia was born I realized what I didn't know before... It was pain with a purpose much greater than any I'd ever had before. That's why I would do it all over again. The reward was a million times greater than the pain.