Sophia's Entrance

I was 8 days overdue and more than ready for Sophia to make her entrance. Unfortunately, I felt great (aside from the hundreds of people asking me when I was going to 'pop'). Sophia was showing no signs of budging despite my 90% effacement... I wasn't dilated at all. I was working full time even at 8 days overdue and I had a midwife appointment at 3 pm. I should preface this story with the fact that I had done a ton of research on natural childbirth and was desperate to stay as natural as possible. I was very against intervention of any kind. I had chosen a midwife because I wanted someone who shared my views on natural birth and trusted my body as much as I did. It took me a long time to select a midwife and when I interviewed the one I ended up selecting I asked a lot of questions about her viewpoints and statistics of her personal deliveries. She was also recommended to me by my doula. What I later learned was that a lot of "birth professionals" will tell you what you want to hear so you select them and they can get your money. The midwife I selected told me many lies to get my business. Of course I didn't realize this until it was too late. My midwife (aka butcher - Maureen Rayson) had been doing non stress tests on me since 38 weeks because of a concern about Sophia's growth. But at this particular non stress test (a complete misnomer by the way) she could only get 2 reactions from Sophia but she needed 3. So she decided to send me to Lenox Hill Hospital for a growth scan and another non stress test.

The ultrasound tech at Lenox Hill (I'm told she was the best tech in the hospital) told me the cord was wrapped around Sophia's neck 3 times but she could see blood flow. Then they informed me that they were concerned because Sophia was face up (sunny-side up) and looked small for her gestational age (they estimated her weight at 6 lbs 1 oz). They immediately started threatening me with a c-section and inducement. I yelled at the ultrasound tech and left the hospital. Because of the extensive research I had done throughout my pregnancy I knew that none of what they were telling me were legitimate causes for concern but rather scare tactics so that they could "manage" my birth. I was very against this because of the negative outcomes that usually result from interfering with the body's natural birth process.

My midwife sent me to LIC Hospital in Brooklyn for further testing. They saw that Sophia was fine but my midwife wanted to induce simply because I was overdue and the OB on wanted to c-section. I begged her to let me start with cervadil rather than pitocin as I knew how that makes contractions unnaturally severe for both mommy and baby. At midnight they finally inserted the cervadil and checked me I was 0 cm and 90% effaced. I was so stressed out from the day that I had the biggest headache of my entire life! I tried to sleep since I was certain that a long and messy road would be ahead of me. At 2 am I woke up to my first real contraction. It felt like a period cramp and I was hoping it meant labour was on its way. My contractions were very irregular and I slept between them while my wonderful mother rubbed my back and held my hand.

In labour there really are no words for how you completely lose your inhibitions. The nursing staff wouldn't let me go to the bathroom because it was such a hassle to unhook me from the monitors. My mother came to my rescue again getting me bed pans. I squatted on the hospital bed as I relieved myself.

At 4:30 am hard labour started and the contractions were coming on like waves with very small breaks in between. My mother unhooked me from the monitors so I could go for a walk and go to the bathroom. While I was walking in the hall I would do whatever my body told me to when a contraction would hit. I would drop to the floor on my hands and knees and just breathe and try to relax during the contraction. The nursing staff looked appalled but kept their mouths shut and my midwife appeared while I was in the middle of one of these contractions squatting on the floor (the staff called her when I left my room - she had been sleeping in another room). She waited until my contraction was over to tell me that the next time I felt a contraction coming on I should hold the support bar along the wall instead. As if I'm some idiot and this had never occurred to me. Clearly she was not used to witnessing natural childbirth in all it's primitiveness. Squatting and leaning on the floor was much more natural to my body. I just looked at her and the bar and said "That's a nice bar." It was all I could manage to get out. She brought me back to my room to check me and I was now 4-5 cm dilated.

I have never needed my mother like I did at this point in my life. I was just hitting transition and it was so apparent. My mantra in labour literally became "Mommmmyyy Mommmyyyy Mommmyyyy!!!!" as she reminded me to relax my bottom during the intense contractions. All I could hear was her voice like an angel guiding me out of labour land.

At about 5:40 am I felt like I needed to poop but my midwfe wouldn't let me (from here everything started happening like lightning). My mom and nurse begged her to check me and when she finally did I was crowning. I began to position myself on all fours as this was the way my body was telling me to give birth. Maureen just laughed at me and forced me to lay on my back which was too painful so she "let" me move to my side (I'm disgusted by her). She told me to stop pushing so she could prepare but I couldn't. The nurse even yelled at her to look at my face which revealed quite clearly that I wasn't pushing. It was an involuntary push (my body did all the work). The only thing I can compare that involuntary bodily reaction to is throwing up. You can't stop it. Your body takes over.

At this point the pain was so severe I was having trouble breathing and my midwife was trying to force an oxygen mask on me. I cannot describe for you how unnatural that felt to me. It made my head spin and my instinct was to tear it off. She kept making me put it back on but finally my mom took it off me and told Maureen that it is not what I needed.

Next, Maureen wanted me to stop pushing so she could break my waters. Again, I could not have stopped if I tried and my bag of waters burst with my own powerful push. Then she wanted to perform an episiotomy claiming it would help me deliver faster (not that it was taking longer than a few minutes). Again, she wanted me to stop pushing so she could do this telling me to breathe deeply to stop pushing (like the imbecile that she is she did not understand the meaning of involuntary natural birth pushes). My mom was telling me to push anyway and Maureen yelled at her that she knew what was best and not my mom. I'll never forget the look in my mother's eyes. We did not need words. I could see what she wanted me to do and how she felt about Maureen's outburst. So with all my strength I pushed Sophia's head out.

I remember calling out to God right before I delivered Sophia. He clearly got the message! At 5:57am I pushed Sophia completely out immediately avoiding an unnecessary episiotomy (I didn't even tear).

Sophia weighed 6 lbs 8 ozs and was 19.5 inches long. She was so alert... I'll never forget her looking at me for the first time.

Yet again my birth plan was basically trampled on like garbage. I did not want anyone taking Sophia from me right after I pushed her out and I had wanted the chord to complete pulsing and the placenta to be delivered naturally before it was cut. Instead Maureen immediately clamped and cut the chord wasting precious blood volume that was for my baby and cutting off her source of oxygen. She was a bit purple (which is also very normal following birth and some time on me with her chord in tact would have solved). Instead cutting her chord caused her to turn more blue than purple since she was not yet ready to breathe through her mouth. She was still breathing through her now cut chord. The pediatrician took her to suction out any fluid and turning her upside down began slapping her back to get her to breathe through her mouth and nose. Can you imagine coming in to the world this way? Had I not been in the middle of my own torturous hell I would have been able to say something before the chord was ever cut.

Unfortunately, I was in the worst pain of my life which was completely unnecessary and unrelated to my childbirth. Maureen the butcher was forcing me to lay on my back which was extremely painful (I now know its because my tailbone was out of place). And as if that wasn't enough she began scrapping me out and pushing on my belly to force the placenta out before it was ready. Any natural birther knowns how unnatural and dangerous this can be as it can cause major blood loss. The pain I was in brought me to tears and I begged her to stop but she would not. I looked at everyone around me for support but they would not stop her. I still don't know why my mother did not stop her (I think she was preoccupied with what the pedi was doing to Sophia). But my mom told me afterwards that she had never once experienced what that midwife did to me after birth in any one of her 7 natural childbirths. She knew the pain I was in was completely unnatural and unnecessary. I even heard the nurse yell at Maureen at one point because she was about to use a tool on me that was the wrong one and could have really damaged me. She just laughed at her own silly error.

I think back to the birth plan I had so carefully written and gone over with her numerous times. I hear her echoing voice in my head saying "I'm your midwife so what I say goes and I will only do what you want and not force anything on you". The lies were only evident after she took advantage of me in such a vulnerable state. I forgot to also mention I was forced to have an IV and belly strap monitors that left enormous bruises all over my belly. They completely inhibited my labour and a few times my mom took them off and the staff would come put them back on because getting readings from a machine was more important than the only instrument they should have been monitoring! My body!!

We were taken to the recovery room where I held her for hours as we stared at each other and cuddled. I will never forget how amazing I felt that day in spite of the pain the butcher put me through. It all disappeared with Sophia in my arms.

Despite having had virtually no sleep I still couldn't sleep after I gave birth. All I could do was stare in amazement at the little miracle I couldn't believe was given to me... My little Sophia Grace.

Natural birth is so amazing despite the pain. I would do it all again in an instant. The immediate bonding and quick recovery are out of this world. There is nothing like the natural birth hormones that you experience. I never let the hospital staff separate Sophia and I. The most they got her away from me was to weigh her in the same room as me after she was born. And once to do a hearing test (which I went looking for her when they didn't bring her back fast enough. I didn't want anyone touching her.

I would caution anyone looking for a natural birth to get references before selecting a midwife or OB. Do not just trust their answers to your questions and do not settle for anyone who is not 100% in agreement with the birth you want.

During birth I remember telling my mom she was insane for having 7 children naturally! But the instant Sophia was born I realized what I didn't know before... It was pain with a purpose much greater than any I'd ever had before. That's why I would do it all over again. The reward was a million times greater than the pain.